Friday, October 14, 2011

It's Not My Fault. Really.

If you follow my tweets and Facebook updates, you know that I've been having trouble with all things electronic. That's not unusual for me--I'm a techno-noob. It's okay, because while I can't design a fancy website,have trouble downloading pics to Twitter and have to beg Nat to show me how to do blogs, I can paint a room like a professional, spell better than almost everyone, and if I had to, change the oil in our three cars.

But electronic wonkies constantly plague me; why does Yahoo freeze up? Is it the overworked server, the outdated computer, or just noobie me? Why does the garage door go down only to rise back up and flash angry lights like something's blocked its path? My phone, a Backflip, sometimes decides it does it won't let me answer a call. My Chevrolet Impala warns me that tire pressure is low, even after hubby has checked it twice.

Can it really, truly, simply just be me?

I don't think so.

Ineptness and dead batteries aside, there are larger forces at work here against me. And you. And everyone.

Solar flares.

According to my lover-of-all-things-electronic-son, an EMP (electro-magnetic pulse)which can come from solar flares (or nuclear bombs, but I haven't seen or heard about any)can disrupt electronics (just like it shows in the movies!). As a matter of fact, we are approaching the 'high point' of solar activity which culminates in 2012, according to Ian O'Neill, creator/writer of Universe Today, a "solar physics doctor." (Check out )
It might not matter what electronics, new or old, you have, or how tech savvy you are, you may be subject to the wonkies.

Well I'm glad to know it's not MY fault!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

That's Soooo Not Funny!

Watching the Academy Awards, did you notice that most of the top awards go to serious, angsty, tragic, wrenching, despairing (get the pic?) movies? Don’t we have enough of that in our lives already? What’s wrong with letting a funny movie win Best Picture? Sure, it happens once in a while, although I can’t think that far back (I don’t even remember which film won Best Pic last year), but not often enough. If anything, we should celebrate humor more often. It loosens tensions, allows us to poke fun at ourselves and others, and lightens the heavy load of life we all carry.
That’s probably why I write humorous scenes into almost all my books. Guess I’m funny that way; I love humor when it’s really bad. Puns I adore you! I don’t think David Letterman is funny, but I crack up with Jeff Dunham and his Achmed puppet. The Home Alone Movies (except #4, that was dumb), still make me hysterical every Christmas. Laughter, touted as the best medicine, isn’t employed enough if you ask me.
Take books. How many classics are funny? Only person I can think of that had any sense of humor is Shakespeare. Witty fellow that guy. I’m sure there are more, but no one goes gaga over them the way they do the sad/serious/morbid/moody works. What situation cannot be made fun of? I can’t name any; our human condition allows our creative funny bone to see the lighter side, even if it takes time and perspective to do it.
So, when you read my books, don’t expect to cry, be depressed, ponder our pitiful existence or contemplate suicide. Just laugh it off.

Friday, February 11, 2011

What Dreams May Come...

Dreams are an important aspect of my life; I’m not talking about going to sleep and finding myself romanced by a certain bad boy vampire on TV, but about what I desire most to be happy. At 9, I dreamed about having a cat. That worked out well. At 16, I dreamed of having a fast sports car. Still waiting on that one. Through the years, dreams or actually desires, came and went, either being realized, like love, marriage, kids and my feet to stop growing. Others I’ve discarded; a legal career, a four carat diamond, and staying wrinkle free. (I’d really still like the last two, but reality is so cruel.) There are a few that I hold onto not because they’re the ultimate, like climbing Mt. Everest (I mean really, struggling to the biggest dirt pile on the earth at risk of limb and life? Uh, no.) But, some I hold onto because they define me. My top most dream is to be a successful author. Writing has always been a part of me. It’s in my DNA, although God alone knows where that came from because the only thing anyone in my family ever wrote was a Christmas list or a required English paper (and not too well at that). So now, here I am, my book Sirenz, co-written with my best gal pal (or boy pal or even pet pal, she’s the tops) and published by Flux in June. There are book signings, a sequel, an agent and solely written books being reviewed. My number one dream- just about realized. Almost achieved. Ready to be checked off the list (pending final sales figures; it doesn’t count as a success if only your family and the dollar store buy them). Is that it?
No. As I’ve modified my list (did you think I only had one thing on it??), subtracting, adding, it has become almost a living thing, changing with age (like me). What else is on my list? First, I want my 15 mins. Of fame that cultural icon/artist Andy Warhol says everyone gets. I only hope that I’m dressed, have makeup on, and am not doing something stupid, like choking on a chicken bone. Next, I want some fans, people without a vested interest, to go gaga over my books. I’ve seen bad writers get fans, so there should be some out there who’ll adore me too. (But no hanging out under my window in the bushes; totally not allowed.) Number three is I want to live a long, healthy life. This shouldn’t be too difficult as great grandpa lived to be 97, great grandma 103, and grandmother is still spicy at 104. Go grandma! I don’t do unhealthy things (often), so if NJ drivers don’t kill me, it looks pretty good. After that comes the dream for my sons to live long, healthy, happy, successful lives. Even if it kills them. It’s giving me agita and grey hair. Fifth is world peace. Never happening, scratch that off the list. Another dream is for my husband to stop snoring. Ditto above re: not happening in my lifetime. Finally, (I’m taking the high road here and not being piggish with the wishes), “I’d like to thank the Academy….” Hey, you never know what dreams may come….